| I liked things the way they were. |
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| "Meet me in the middle
Well c'mon let's make up a dance
And we'll agree to call it the compromise
There's no sense in complainin'
If it doesn't change your minds
Take me by the hand, let's compromise
I can feel your feet touchin' mine
If you can't dance, there's someone else in line
Meet me in the middle,
Well c'mon let's make up a dance
And we'll agree to call it the compromise"
- The Compromise, Dog Problems, The Format
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| I miss things.
I'm growing up.
I'm getting stronger.
I'm being happy.
But I occasionally miss things.
and of course by things, I mean kelly.
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| I got a chance to talk to kelly tonight. I'm not sure exactly how I'm feeling, but I think it's more positive than negative. I think it helps me a lot to have some connection with him in a non romantic way. He's been my best friend for quite some time now. I think it might have even given me some strength. Enough to press the cancel button on the relationship on facebook. We are broken up. That hasn't changed, nor will it change in the immediate future. But I think I'm a little more convinced that we both need this time. For ourselves.
We did start off really wanky (a word I've been using lately, don't know if it's an actual word though) in the beginning. We went directly into a year of long distance. I wouldn't advise it to anyone. We didn't develop in the way we needed to. But now is our chance to be apart, learn what that means, figure out who we are, look at everything objectively, live our lives as individuals, and then decide if this is something we can start again or if it's a chapter that was never meant to be revisited.
In the meantime, I'm going to figure out who I am. And I'm going to do it for me and because of me. Not for or because of him.
As far as practical updates go, I barely cried today at all (unfortunately that includes a lack of tears that I needed for a monologue), I dared to wear mascara for the first time, and I ate the closest thing to a meal than I have in the last 4 days.
My friends here are a huge help, as are all the prayers and support from the people I love and miss.
God has been very good and the strength he instilled in me at birth has, I think, finally been peeking out of it's hiding place. I feel that I've misplaced it for several months. |
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| It's over. All over.
I've been through a great deal of shit in my life.
This hurts worse then them all. |
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